yet another weekend

i had a great time over the weekend- watched coming soon and ate supper with the guys+monic on sat; southern ridges on sun. It has been awhile since i last talked to them. They're still full of nonsense and yet they're guys who think and actually care. ;) really hope and wish that things remain the way it is for the rest of our lifes! i mean the kind of friendship and relationship we have.

galvin ny resolution was to get a girl; jackass and his lynette; onion and his liyun; hx and his 33 yrold. haha. well, and no more;D i kind of not have much anticipation for his sms, stopped thinking of what he might be doing etc. guess it was really a feeling of being chased that i was liking? oh well, i realised tat he might jus be looking for a fling, which i may jus be an easy target. hmm, even if it's not the case, i'm so totally not his type. how i wished i hasnt told anyone about him. now it's so ps to say everything has faded. haha.

i realised it's jus 3weeks away from my exams!!!! dear hx, can u please go and study?! and stop all the playing. u're so gonna be a teacher soon and this is how u behave? wth. teaching. hais. i think i better worry about four of my papers that due in 1.5weeks if i wanna graduate.

i'm kind of excited about my thai dance performance this sun, which is also a wan songkran celebration in NUS. (in case i suffer a memory lost next time, i did the programme notes too:)) though i'm not particularly good at dancing, i enjoyed the lessons alot especially since it's a thai arts module that i'm taking with monics.

ooh. it's training later. and i'm so happy! i so enjoying my last sem and the training with mir. i will miss them so dearly;( ok gtg back to my cardio papers.

Five For Fighting - 100 Years lyrics

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you�re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you�re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

of sundays

today there's matrix movie again. the 3rd. but everything feels different from last week. I realised i'm not going nie, i'm going to do contract teaching, relationship is still sucky. things suddenly doesnt seem to be going NOT well at all. Cant focus on studies and test is coming.

Why am i so f*** up? i should jus stay firm to my position and stick to watever decision i've thought thru so many times. like wth. I'm always waiving here and there, ending up in the same f*** up situation. come on lah, u're hx!!! oh man, should stop scolding bad words. haha. OK u're not in love, or rather dont like him as a person! u're in love with the feeling. Touched my heart and yes, i think it's true cos i still think of the possibility i might have with other guys. Then why am i always look at my hp and waiting for sms? mayb my brain and hormones of the human body is playing tricks on me- the want and desire to find a mate. he's not really after u. I'm so not his type of girl. girls around him (like that bowling girl) is like sizzling hot man, why does he want from me? playing around with an innocent girls? and looking for spares? STOP IT. i'm becoming like mama- overly suspicious woman.

oh man. i was never so vex over a guy in my life. this is bad. there're other better and more situable guys out there lah!! hx pls keep your heart well and protected. i'm not as tough as i seem to be huh. i guess it's jus part of growing up right?

besides that, the documentary on social disparity in pakistan really hit me hard. the one on water issues or basic amenities in india also stuck me hard. Religion and wealth in pakistan shape the people's mindset, lifestyles, behavior and every other thing, jus because of the education->interpretation of koran->outlook. Koran is really THE thing that GOVERNS the life of the poor, or rather they may be unconsciously or conveniently using koran to explain things they're doing or wanna do.
Does becoming developed really important? should it even be the ultimate goal of poorer countries?? becoming develop gave up the traditional way of living and adopted the 'advanced' lifestyle. does 'advanced lifestyle' really mean improvement? i think development might just be a gimmick of the developed country to generate loan and earn $$ from the poor. like wtf again.

RAAAAH!!! i dont know how my life will turn out tmr. ha! i dunno whether i will actually tell anyone about wat happened. hai. i think i should. to let it all out. RAAAAAAAAH! really hope that everything return to how it was 3-4 weeks ago, less vexing, simpler and happier?

was offered a job:)

Right now, everything seems to be going really well. I got a job offer (MOE) and some development in my love life. oh well. So as it seems. I guess i cant be too greedy about things in life. Though i really want a conservation outdoor-ish job, doing all the hands-on work, i realised while talking to a fren that the real conservation is actually education. yups, so being a teacher can still allow me to live my dreams:D

Ai mei relationship is really sucky. the waiting and anticipation. and the guys is not exactly my dream guy. ha! he's nice and gentlemen, make me laugh. jus that he's my bro's age... making me feel like a little sis again. I dont like the idea of having expectations in a relationship. eg. with marriage in mind or some kind of strong committment. I dunno. such contradictions. then why do i want a relationship in the first place? Well, my dream guy is one who can go climb mt with me, run with me, really fit and sweet kind. (i still think edwin siew is damn hot!!) hmmmm..

With all the piling school work and testss coming, i really feel the stress man. CAN'T WAIT TO GRADUATE!!:P Though i said at the beginning of year 3 i will miss schoool so much, i kinda eat my word ya? i think i will miss NUS alot too. I will miss trainings with mir, technical trainings, the long runs, the interval trainings, the year 3 lectures and labs, the inspiring profs :)

thoughts about my modules

global change biology
This module has given a new insight into conservation and what is it about. It's actually not just about protecting a certain animal or plant species or neither can a conservationist just protect the species. I felt that i was illusion-ised by the whole idea of conservation and alittle too optimistic. There're acutally alot of factor involved in species protection- habitat loss, invasive species, fragmentation, climate change etc etc. Sometimes i really wonder if humans are just too evil and too greedy to live on this planet and devoid of other organism of the resources and space.

Habitat loss is happening everyday and it's not by the size of football field but by size of a country, maybe half or whole of malaysia or bigger? humans can ever stop clearing forest, burning grassland or rather stop development entirely. The whole issue has evolved to become very political and very ethnic becos humans are involved. It like u cant ask people in indonesia or africa to stop commercial deforestation and hunting, slash and burn etc etc when their people are dying of hunger every 1hr or worse. What is conservation to them when there's no food on the table? There're some conversation project that allow the locals to earn money (mainly from tourism) and that motivate them to conserve the nature, which now has a real value to them. Jus to name some of such project: regulated sport hunting in africa. oh well, ppl might argue that 'u're killing the animals!' but for the greater good, i think it's ok...

After clearing habitat loss, the problem of fragmentation arise. Basically the environment of the organism changed such that they're shocked and may not be able to adapt to the change in condition. Species which are specific to certain conditions would be selected against and may not be able to survive. Then ethnical issue of which species to save with our 'limited resouces' and are we ABLE to save? How are we going to stop the loss of biodiversity when we cant stop our development/ our greed for more/ our blackhole of desires and commercial needs?

it is a little pessimistic view of conservation. it is in my opinion. what we can do is jus from personal levels- whatever we can. many would question the need to preserve the biodiversity on earth. What's the point when human will surely be able to suvive on our own? The problem is we can't. We depend on nature foodweb and ecology to survive. In nature, everything is linked, destroy one part of it, the ecological chain might collapse, including humans, in a the matter of time. We have become unable to feel the connection with web of nature, being so caught up in our own world.

Ecology
It's really interesting to learn that humans have exceeding the maximum capacity for the pass 10 000 yrs with our intelligence, technology etc. Usually once a species that has exceeded the max capacity it exert on the habitat (eg depleted natural resources available), the species population will first decrease and if not go extinct. it's jus a matter of time we become extinct too.

oh well, now i cant wait to graduation and finish up my degree. Jus beginning of this sem that i said i will miss school life so much! Now there's so much paper chase, term paper, term test etc etc etc that i cant wait for it end!!! still, Learning is fun on its own, but not tog with all the test;( I guess it's jus life that we can't have everything ya?

Right now i'm also busy with training for the island peak. I kind of enjoy training cos i feel stronger and fitter after each one;) Though i do complain ALOT and say WAH LAU in my heart half the time, i still like it... It's the shiokness after the training i guess. And also, the dunno-what-to-expect kind of anticipation that makes training interesting. yups. I think i should say thanks to kumar and andrew:)

Motivation for training: 1) scary/exciting/worrying 60degree 200m+++ slope <video of island peak> 2) counting my muscles every exercise:D 3) decr HB 4)for the team!!!!! yeah.

oh before i forget the jokes from kumar, let me jus type it here. punch mark at the eye for the girl + bite mark at the dick :)